Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Plan B

Plan B  I am back to dreaming big! Just a pretty picture as a reminder that the cottage in my mind lives on!

Sometimes I get so carried away thinking the universe is pointing me in a different direction, to change my life, I confuse myself.  It's not really a senior moment on my part, but a big blip in how I see things in my excitement to do something new.

My messages, signs, desires, all seem to revolve around houses. No matter how I try - I can't exorcise the thought I want to move. No matter what I do, I stay put.

I even spoke to a therapist the first of the year to talk about change.

She was kind. She told me my house fantasy, the big old house with a huge farm table in the kitchen, or the sweet 1800's cottage with lots of rooms and gingerbread trim, had nothing to do with houses, but something more I wanted.

I challenged her with the fact it is an old fantasy, since I was young.

After three sessions, I realized I was having too much fun paying money to have someone listen to my fantasy with undivided attention. I was tossing money away because there is no cure for my house dreams. I love old houses, I love antiques, and yes, she was right. It has so much more to do with how I see life in a new place.

Would I be different?  Probably not. I would be me supercharged. And maybe that is the answer to my never ending question. Why do I want to move? I would be me on steroids in a new house rather than the me that has slowed down. The truth is, if I don't get my other hip fixed, I will be sitting in a new house just like I am here. The answer for the moment is to take care of my health and then figure out what is next. A year of being slowed down in what I do has made me think a quick fix is a move.  Don't ask me how I planned to move 3000 square feet of treasures I love, the packing alone staggering. But in my mind, to get to my dream home . . . easy peasey!

As it turns out, the universe has sent me a sign to stay put, or at least not to move to the little yellow house in Athens.  A house that would make me downsize, which was not my plan, but I got caught up with how charming it was! And I am a sucker for charm!

The house in Athens turned out to have a bit of bad Karma surrounding it. I don't know how things got so strange, but the folks did not want to honor my offer after we all signed it. They put it back on the market while I thought I was selling my house to buy theirs. All has ended well, we've mutually dropped the entire thing and I am here, as always, wondering where I should move!

There is a hint of fall in the air this morning, clearing my head. Plan B goes into action. I love fall. I love to nest in with my dogs, snuggle and watch TV. This fall I may have surgery on my right hip. Then I will be bionic woman with two new hips and a good stride to my walk.

I plan to up my writing and reach out close in to see if I can supercharge myself here in Decatur. Be more than I am in the house I keep trying to leave. Time will tell.

My dreams are still big and perhaps soon I will find my answer to the eternal question of where do I want to live. In the mean time, I will share photos of the houses that haunt me at night on Zillow but elude me during the daylight when I go about hiding from the world just how crazy I am.

Crazy for houses, crazy for dogs, and crazy about life, where ever I root!